A Year of Tests, Trust, and Tawakkul

My eyes fill with tears just thinking back on this past year, yet at the same time I can’t help but smile. Saying I experienced ups and downs would be an understatement—it feels more like I was pushed and pulled in all directions. I think it’s fair to say that Allah subḥānahu wa taʿālā truly tested me this year. Alḥamdulillāh (all praise is due to Allah), because even through hardship we must show gratitude; it is through gratitude that we grow in faith, knowledge, and strength.

The experiences of this year have taught me to truly listen, understand, appreciate, and value myself through the grace of Allah. It is through hardship that we gain resilience and motivation to become better versions of ourselves. These reflections share the deep truths and lessons I have learned throughout this year.

Lesson 1: I Learned to Listen to Myself

I think many people can relate to this. I was someone who ignored my intuition—even when my gut was screaming that something wasn’t right. I silenced it, buried it deep down, and chose not to listen.

Why?
Fear of loneliness.
Fear of disappointing others.
Fear of not being seen.
Fear of giving up what felt comfortable or familiar.

These behaviours stemmed from past trauma. When I finally paused and truly listened to my inner voice, I realised it was there to protect me, not harm me. That moment became the first step in healing my inner wounds.

Lesson 2: Learning to Appreciate Myself

“I’m too soft. Too forgiving. Too kind-hearted. Too shy. Too trusting.”

I’ve heard these words time and time again throughout my life—and for a long time, I believed them to be flaws. I believed that having these qualities made me vulnerable to being hurt, used, or mistreated.

But these qualities are part of who I am. I don’t need to pretend to be someone I’m not to protect myself—and even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. Why should I change myself out of fear of mistreatment? If people have taken advantage of my good nature, that is on them, not me. And Allah knows best.

I have learned to appreciate and love these qualities. I tell myself: Yes, I am soft. Yes, I am forgiving. Yes, I am kind-hearted, shy, and trusting—and I am grateful for it. There are people in my life who appreciate me for who I am, and in my future I will meet more who will do the same, in shā’ Allāh.

Lesson 3: When You Can’t Trust Anyone, You Can Always Turn to Allah

There were moments this year when I felt overwhelmed by uncertainty and fear—when I hit my lowest point and felt completely alone. I began to lose trust in everyone and became suspicious of all around me.

But there was Allah.

I kept reminding myself that all I truly needed was Allah. He saw my tears. He felt my pain. He heard my prayers. And He showed me, again and again, that He was still there—guiding me through it all.

Allah is always there.

Lesson 4: People Will Betray You — But Not Everyone Will

“You can’t trust anyone.”

This was one of the most common phrases I heard this year. When you are hurt and betrayed—and then hear similar stories from friends and family—it’s easy to start believing this as truth.

Yes, I discovered that some people I trusted were not who I thought they were. But I also discovered something else: there were people I trusted who did not betray me. Instead, they supported me—spiritually and practically—and contributed greatly to my growth and to the person and Muslim I am becoming today. I would not be where I am now had I not trusted them.

There are over 8.2 billion people in the world. Betrayal doesn’t mean you stop trusting altogether—it means you become wiser with your heart.

Lesson 5: Don’t Give Up on Yourself

When we are stuck in survival mode, we forget ourselves—our dreams, our strength, and what makes us feel alive. We reach a point where we ask, Who am I?

One of the most important lessons I learned this year is to prioritise myself. No one else is going to chase your dreams for you or hand you the life you want. If you want it, start now. Push excuses aside. Reignite the spark within you and slowly rediscover who you truly are.

Lesson 6: Trying to Do Everything Alone Is Unrealistic

Many women become so resilient that they adopt the mindset of I have to do everything myself. But we are human—we have limits. We get tired. We break. And sometimes, we need help.

That is okay. It is normal. And it is allowed.

There is a difference between striving while relying on Allah and refusing support altogether. Accepting help does not mean weakness—it means wisdom.

Lesson 7: Tie Your Camel, Then Trust in Allah

“Tie your camel first, then trust in Allah.”
(Tirmidhī)

This was a quote I kept hearing throughout the year. Do what you need to do. Take the steps. Push yourself gently. Then leave the outcome to Allah.

This quote sums up my year entirely.

Closing: A New Beginning

I have learned many lessons this year, alḥamdulillāh. I have become wiser, softer, and stronger. I look forward to seeing what the next year holds and what lessons life will teach me next.

I close this chapter with hope, in shā’ Allāh.

If you’re entering a new chapter of your own life, I hope these reflections remind you that you’re not alone.

Alḥamdulillāhi Rabbil ‘Ālamīn.